I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize