Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
