you didnt know i had herpes?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
