so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
