No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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