My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We need to get me chipped asap
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize