Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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