Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize