apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
True strength comes from lack of pants
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
