You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
