The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
