Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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