She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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