**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
