ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
