when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Drake has all the answers
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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