thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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