The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize