I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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