The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
