Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize