I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize