even my farts smell like vagina
honey bunches of taint.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize