I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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