I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
