when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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