What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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