i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
