We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The uberlube is also flammable
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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