girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
