no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
