i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize