Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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