The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Your cock deserves a montage
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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