I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
