The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
