everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
