i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
