Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize