We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize