I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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