What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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