I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You were trust falling into bushes
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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