I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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