I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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