Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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