What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
