left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
