your room smells of hookers.
And success
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize