Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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