just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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