He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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