Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
