it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
