My first STD was from a foam party
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
