WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
