fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
