Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
love makes seman taste better
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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