puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
