Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
