she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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