bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
