She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
