I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
