I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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