So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
