I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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