Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
