Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
