you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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