Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
