I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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