there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
