my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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