you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
