coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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