Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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