apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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