So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
