Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
