Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
