I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
