Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
