cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
