Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
